The Tornado is a notable western jet fighter bomber.
Less notable are some of its sub-types, such as the Tornado XP.
This revolutionary aircraft featured variable-geometry wings and powerful jet engines as well as a contra-prop up front to optimize the "low-and-slow" approach favored by many strike aircraft.
Never built in great numbers, only one was ever produced to test this ground-breaking concept.
At the heart of this cutting-edge attack plane was a contractor hitherto unknown in aviation circles.
The Twickenham Tandems Ltd. firm was more famous for bicycles built for two but their decades of experience gave them the deep knowledge base to invent one of the most innovative aircraft drive trains yet developed.
This tandem chain drive came with optional pedals that could be attached to provide emergency power. Rarely used, crews discovered after they tested it that new post-service career opportunities opened up.
The Air Ministry was rightfully dubious but they green-lit modifying one Tornado in the pipeline as the XP test bed.
Just as the aircraft passed initial trials, a crisis broke out that would find it called into immediate front-line service.
A fierce group of armed desert nomads known as the Bandidiots were carrying out cross-border raids into territory under U.K. protection. While most gangs are easily dealt with by local authorities, this bunch of brigands was badder than most.
Intelligence was able to locate the area the Bandidiot leader, Caliph Khalif, called home. Since he was surrounded by innocent civilians, a surgical strike was called for so the Tornado XP was called for.
Now painted in desert camouflage, the aircraft was given a menacing shark's mouth as an in-joke. This led to it being called the "Sharknado" and the name stuck. The aircraft still wore a rather large 'P' on the tail which most assume means prototype but actually refers to the liability insurance carrier.
Caliph Khalif was a man on the move and rarely spent more than a few hours under the same roof. However, the RAF had it on good authority that their target might be stationary for longer than usual.
A half-hour before dusk, the Sharknado took off from the Al Fabreeze forward base. The plan was to swoop in under cover of the setting sun and bomb the enemy with pin-point precision.
The Sharknado arrived on schedule and caught the foe napping. The aircraft assumed attack position and came in low and slow.
At just the right moment, it unleashed its load-out of death.
The hidden hookah hut was obliterated in a hellfire of high explosives. The Sharknado climbed fast as the crew pedaled furiously to escape the blast and get the heck out of Dodge.
The crew were elated by their apparent success and were no doubt already imagining the mission marking on the side of their Sharknado.
Sadly, this would not be as it turned out Caliph Khalif wasn't home at his hookah hut, having stepped out to the local 7-11 to feed his munchies. This tainted the Sharknado's reputation and despite its adequate performance, it was never ordered into production.
Still, this not-quite graceful aircraft reminds us of what might have been had Caliph Khalif not run out of snacks and run out of his hidden hookah hut.
Brian da Basher