Is it just me or do you, maybe, set your expectations too high, mate?
Not saying that setting your expectations high is a bad thing but, if you get as down on yourself about it as you seem to, when you're producing models of a quality that I haven't a hope of coming near, perhaps you need to rein them back in just a bit.
I'm expecting to see great things &, having seen a few your "ruined" builds, I'm
still expecting to see great things! :)